


the day

by mymoonbby



Series: songs of got7 [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Cheating, It's just awfully sad, M/M, Post-Break Up, how do I tag??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 17:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12822165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymoonbby/pseuds/mymoonbby
Summary: the day; verse 2park jinyoungi think of the days i believed everything was gooddays that grew farther away





	the day

**Author's Note:**

> the day:  
> https://youtu.be/Z8QRz8mSL5k

_if no one talks to me_  
_without a word_  
_without knowing_  
_the only thing I look for_  
_is you_

perhaps, jinyoung thinks, the soulmates that you had read about once upon a time were real. that humans were once born with four arms and four legs, but then were split into half. that humans were tied together by red strings of fate, that could be twisted and tangled and horrendously frayed, but never broken. that humans were meant to have someone complement them so well that they'd be so inexplicably attracted to their other half, so in love with them, they'd almost lose their minds.

and, jinyoung thinks, he's found his soulmate too. in the vast expanse of the earth, across the seven seas, amongst billions of people, he's lucky enough to find his.

jinyoung looks at jaebum like he hangs the stars in his universe. and jaebum probably does, because he's always so caring and understanding and generous to jinyoung, and loves to shower him in gifts and affection. jinyoung loves the way jaebum's eyes crinkle as he smiles, the way his back hunches over as he's busy composing, the twin moles on the corner of his left eye. he's just so, irrevocably in love with jaebum it makes his heart soar and he always finds himself drawn back to the latter, into his arms, towards his warmth. with jaebum, he feels like he's on top of the world.

which is why jinyoung finds himself miles above the sea, on a cliff, in the middle of a clearing. it's a nice place to think, especially when night falls and all the tourists have left and you're alone with the moon and your thoughts. there's nobody with him today—no surprise there, he's been coming here alone for a while now—and he thinks the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks is soothing. at least, it's a distraction from the chaos going on in his head.

this place is almost his second home now. it was his and jaebum's favourite dating spot, back when they were still a thing; a prime location to stargaze and just lie together, bodies pressed flush against each other and hands laced tightly. it's a place lingering with memories of jaebum; a place jinyoung had once classified as unthinkable to go back to, and yet here he is.

perhaps it's because he's always drawn to jaebum. because even without saying it, without knowing it, the only thing jinyoung looks for is jaebum.

 

———————

 

_on top of this silent ocean_  
_when the sun starts to set_  
_on top of this difficultly set melody_  
_i'm standing alone_

it's almost dusk, jinyoung can tell, as the sky begins to darken and the first crickets begin their song of the night. the last of the cars have driven away and then jinyoung is finally all alone.

there's a vague melody on the tip of jinyoung's tongue, something he's been humming softly the whole day, but not sure where he's heard it from. it's a nice tune, though, something jinyoung reminds himself to jot down for future compositions.

he hums the simple tune along with the beat of the ocean hitting the rocks mindlessly, slowing down the melody to a pace much more fitting to what jinyoung would like. something that seemed less jaebum-like, because the original tune sounded eerily like something jaebum had once written, and jinyoung would absolutely hate to—

oh.

it's a nice rhythm, jinyoung tries to reason with himself. simple and neat, without too many notes. just his style. he's most definitely not caught up with jaebum, of course not. he's just...it's just...

he's just still so in love with jaebum, it hurts.

jinyoung barely registers the crashing of the waves ceasing as his thoughts come flooding back, and oh god, it really, really hurts.

his eyes follow the steadily setting sun in the horizon, enjoying the way the light almost blinds his eyes. jinyoung is up on his feet quickly as the sun sets too far down and he can't see it behind the shrubbery of the little clearing, hoping to continue watching the sun set fully. he hopes that if he stares at the sun long enough, he might go completely blind, and then he might forget what jaebum looks like, and then forget all about jaebum entirely. maybe then it wouldn't hurt so bad.

but that's a lie, and jinyoung knows it. because no matter what he may try to convince himself, it's painfully obvious that he's standing here above the silent ocean and the setting sun, on top of this difficultly set melody im jaebum had written. and he's standing here alone.

 

———————

 

_the voice back then, the air back then_  
_becomes waves and crashes down_  
_but i’m waiting for them to settle some day_  
_i pray until it reaches the sky_  
_when i get more earnest with time_  
_forgotten memories come to me_

jinyoung gets back on the ground and presses his back flat against the grass as the sun sets fully and the sky turns into an inky black. he keeps his eyes trained above him as stars begin to dot the night sky. pretty, pretty stars that remind him of a pretty, pretty boy.

he closes his eyes then, hoping that somewhere amongst those stars is a god that can hear his prayer. please, jinyoung prays until it reaches the sky. please, let me forget.

and yet, the more earnestly he prays, the more his mind tries to drag him back to the past that he's so desperately trying to avoid. he remembers jaebum's voice, the tension that hung thick in the air—it was suffocating. and yet, here jinyoung was. back to the day where jaebum decided he'd had enough.

jinyoung remembers, as clear as the water beneath him, how it had all started off as a normal day. how jinyoung was getting up for work, how jinyoung had shared a sweet kiss with his lover before he left the house.

and then it all went to shit.

in hindsight, maybe jinyoung should have been more attentive to jaebum. maybe then, he would've noticed the bag that was slowly being stuffed with clothes underneath their bed. maybe then, he would've sniffed out the unfamiliar flowery perfume on the collar of jaebum's shirt every time he came home way too late from work.

maybe then, jaebum wouldn't have left him.

when jinyoung had arrived home from work that night, jaebum was standing in front of the door, hand outstretched as if he was about to twist the doorknob, luggage standing next to him. his mouth was slightly agape as his eyes fixed on jinyoung.

"you're early," is all jaebum can say, helplessly.

"what is this?" jinyoung counters, completely ignoring jaebum's statement. he hopes to every god in the world it isn't what he thinks it is, he prays with every fibre of his being because it can't be, jaebum can't possibly be leaving.

but what else could it be?

"look, jinyoung, i can explain," jaebum says as he slowly retreats back into their once shared living room, and jinyoung takes that as a signal to follow him. there's tension hanging in the air so thick he could've cut it with a knife.

and then jaebum confesses everything, (jinyoung wishes he hadn't. there are some things that he'd like to unlearn) from how he'd slowly fallen out of love with jinyoung, to how he'd found a brand new lover that wasn't jinyoung. how he'd been cheating on jinyoung.

"i'm sorry," jaebum apologizes softly. and, jinyoung thinks, the worst part is that jaebum sounds so genuinely sorry jinyoung might actually cry.

he's moving out, jaebum says. to his new girlfriend's home, with someone he was happier with. someone who wasn't jinyoung.

and, jinyoung still remembers, the exact words jaebum had said as he grabbed his luggage and stepped out of the house that was once theirs.

"i'm sorry. it's not your fault."

but no matter what jaebum had said, no matter how much jaebum could apologize, it was useless. whose fault could it otherwise be, if not jinyoung? stupid jinyoung who had fallen stupidly in love with a man almost akin to a god, a man who would never be interested in him for long. boring jinyoung who nobody would ever be interested in, could never satisfy his lover's needs. silly jinyoung, who thought he'd found his soulmate, his happily ever after, but should've known better than that.

that night, jinyoung lay on jaebum's side of the bed and cries himself to sleep. and the night after, and then the night following that.

jaebum's words keep haunting him as jinyoung is brought back to the present abruptly by the wetness on his face. his words, the thick tension in the air that jinyoung remembers all too well, come crashing into him like waves. like the ones miles beneath him that crash into the cliffs. it's been months since jaebum left, and jinyoung has been waiting for the waves to settle some day.

they never did.

and it hurts. it really, fucking hurts.

 

———————

 

_i think of the days i believed everything was good_  
_days that grew farther away_

life used to be good, jinyoung thinks. before everything had gone down in shambles. back when jaebum and him used to kiss each other every morning and every night and every other opportunity they had in between, back when jaebum used to cuddle him until they both fell asleep, back when jaebum would give him back massages after a long day of work.

back when jaebum and him were still together.

and the more jinyoung thinks his life seems to be breaking down before his eyes, the more he wonders if it had already been crumbling ever since he met jaebum. if jaebum had even loved him back, or if those eyes that shone with so much of what seemed to be love and affection were just a trick of the light. because that seems just like jinyoung, doesn't it? getting strung along by a lover only to find out nothing was real and it had all been one sided after all.

and yet, they used to be a happy couple, jinyoung swears. (or maybe it was another trick his mind was playing on him) they were always so affectionate towards each other that it was borderline disgusting, but jinyoung wouldn't trade it for the world.

unfortunately, it seemed as if someone else would.

now, jinyoung is still lying on the grassy plain that could have once possibly been called theirs but is now just his and reminding himself of the days he believed was good, the days that seemed to grow farther away.

 

———————

 

_the wind that blows on my cheek_  
_the sound of the waves that shake up my heart_  
_in case my prayers reach the sky_  
_i’m shouting louder so it won’t fade_

"please, please, please. please, someone out there, if you're listening, let me forget. i don't want to think about him anymore.

it hurts so much, did you know? can you see how much i'm hurting? everyday i can't help but think about him and how much i miss him and it really fucking hurts, so please, how can i forget?

he's left me, and yet he's still everywhere. he is the wind that blows on my cheeks, he is the sound of the waves that shake up my heart. i see him in every little thing, and no matter where i go, he's always around. he's still in the apartment that he walked out of, still in that cafe where we first met. and, even now, he's still here on this cliff, with me. please, tell me, if he's already gone, why is he still here? i don't want to see him anymore, why am i still seeing him?

i hope you hear my prayers, whoever you are. and in case my prayers do reach the skies, i'm shouting louder so they won't fade. the star's are awfully pretty tonight, and i'm sure somebody is there listening to me. so if you are, please, just grant me one wish. one request:

help me forget."

 

———————

 

_under my short fingernails_  
_when new skin starts to grow_  
_on top of this difficultly set melody_

jinyoung is shaken out of his prayers as he feels a sharp pain on his thumb, just under his short fingernails. he stares at his fingernails that have been bitten beyond recognition and the wound underneath that on his thumb, a single dot of bright red standing out on his pale skin. a scab used to lie where the blood is now, evidence of the relentless biting jinyoung had done on this poor nails—to the point where even his skin would break and blood would pool. jinyoung hadn't even realised that he'd been picking at the scab until it was gone. new skin had begun to grow underneath the scab, the injury almost healing but not quite as jinyoung broke open the one layer between it and all the harmful germs in the environment.

and jinyoung supposes it's a little like what he's been doing the whole evening. the bacteria being his memories with jaebum, the scab being what he thought was the strong shield he'd built in his mind, and the injury being his poor, broken heart. except the pain in his heart is a tenfold increase to what he feels on his thumb.

jinyoung absently rubs his bloody thumb along his shirt and welcomes the sting that comes along with it.

the crickets are out in full force now, a beautiful choir singing their song of the night. their sounds had fused together as one, different melodies creating one wondrous song. or at least, that's how jaebum saw it. jaebum thought that any sound could be music, if you listened hard enough. jinyoung supposes jaebum had preached it so much that even he believes it now too, revelling in the songs of the crickets until he realises a tad too late that he's been thinking of jaebum yet again.

the difficultly set melody rings in his ears as he tries his best to fight down his tears for the umpteenth time that night.

 

———————

 

_the voice back then, the air back then_  
_becomes waves and crashes down_  
_but I’m waiting for them to settle some day_  
_i pray until it reaches the sky_  
_when I get more earnest with time_  
_forgotten memories come to me_

if jinyoung were honest, the reason he's been fighting back tears the whole night were the bittersweet memories he shared with jaebum.

dates. kisses. cuddles. the feeling of weightlessness he always had around jaebum.

but for the first time that night, as jinyoung looked to the skies and muttered his prayers earnestly, a painful memory of jaebum that he had nearly forgotten came rushing to him.

jinyoung still remembers—it wasn't long after jaebum had left him. a couple weeks, perhaps, and jinyoung had taken to alcohol to drown his sorrows. to try to forget.

he wasn't sure what had driven him to drink as much as he had that very night; perhaps it was a bad day at work, coupled with the crushing reminder that jaebum wasn't with him anymore. jinyoung just remembers downing glass after glass, and then bottle after bottle of soju, his only goal to go as far as he could. even if his mind clouded over, even if he collapsed and blacked out, anything would be infinitely better than the excruciating pain in his heart jaebum had left behind. it was as if jaebum had taken a knife, twisted it deep into his heart, pulled it out, and then stabbed him a few more times.

jinyoung's poor heart could only handle so much.

perhaps jinyoung's resolve to get absolutely wasted could solve his problems, or perhaps it couldn't. after his third bottle of soju, jinyoung was drunk beyond return, and maybe his drunk self still remembered what jaebum had done as clearly as his sober self had. maybe his drunk self missed him just as dearly.

his drunk self had called jaebum.

"hello?" it had taken jaebum a while to pick up.

"jaebummie..." jinyoung had slurred. "jaebummie hyung..."

"i miss you, hyung. i...miss you...love you...so much..."

the line was silent as jinyoung took another gulp of his soju. and then—

"i'm sorry."

the line went flat. jaebum had hung up. that was it.

the sincerity in jaebum's voice, the way that the air had suddenly gotten so thick—it all crashed down on jinyoung in waves. it was suddenly so much harder to breathe.

his drunk self didn't try to hold back his tears that night. he just let them fall, one by one, then in a stream down his cheeks, sobbing unabashedly until he fell asleep from exhaustion.

and the worst part? he woke up the next morning, and he remembered it all.

 

———————

 

_i think of the days i believed everything was good_  
_days that grew farther away_  
_i think of the day i thought everything broke down_  
_days when i used to smile, that are getting forgotten_

jinyoung thinks of the days he believed everything was good. the days he could collapse into jaebum's arms after a long day, the days when jaebum would pepper his face with kisses. the days when jaebum was still his.

those days were growing farther and farther away now. as time seemed to fly by, jinyoung remembers less about the days that were good. the days when he used to smile.

jinyoung thinks of the day he thought everything broke down. and then he broke down too, the traitorous tears that he'd been trying so hard to stop finally spilling over. his sobs rang out loud and clear, cutting through the night sky like a knife. his chest was heaving, tears flowing freely and it hurt. why did it hurt so bad?

why wouldn't the hurt go away?

please, he tries, one last time. please, let the hurt go away.

let me forget.

**Author's Note:**

> whoops that was one angsty ride, i hope you enjoyed this though! definitely give kudos and comment what you think about this fic!! im going to be writing a series of fics based on got7 songs, and i'm already working on the next so stay tuned!!


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